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I haven't applied for Deakin and even after, I'm not even sure if I can get in. But the anxiety and sadness is still creaping in. I should be feeling excited but I can't help it. I'll be leaving so many things behind.

EJ and EZ are at this young period where it depends on whether I'll be there or not. And Ka is going to have a baby sometimes next year too. I'll miss all that!! NO!!!!!! This really overrides all the excitement of the opportunities that'll be opened to me.

Refer to my Screenplayer blog for that side of stuff.

I actually cried thinking about leaving. Of course it'll be exciting go to such an unfamiliar place with so many thigns to explore! To mae a new start and new friends! But it's so scary at the same time! No one I know (except maybe Jean Anne may be going too) will be there. It'll be so different from a holiday when you know that in a few days, you'll be flying home to everything and everybody again and that everything you do is just enjoyment and will have no real impact on your life but to have a greater time! And you really don't have to think about what I'm gonna do for dinner. How this will save me a coupla more dollars to last me throughout the week.

I said I'd always love the independence. It's a way to prove myself. But what I never said, though I did confess to myself, is that I know it'd be hard. And (although part of why I'll love it is the difficulty - I'm a masochist that way) if I think about it too hard and much, I'll be terrified.

I'll get through it because I know I can. I can prove myself through the experience. I want to push myself to my limits and I know I'll come out better the other side. It's sort of like a training I know I need. Though I know when it comes to the experience itself, it's a love-hate relationship.

I'll be applying soon. After the 21st, which is when our previous semester's results will be out, according to Jean Anne, who told me a little to late. I already have an official transcript from my school, which cost me $5.35. But it doesn't contain the results of the revious sem. So I'm waiting
to see if the new results will bring up or down my aggregate. Hahah. If it's up I'll just ay $5.35 more. (Although I'm still half hoping not to get in. Hm.... I'll get overit soon.)

;P
LYL